


100 Ways To Annoy The Goblin King

by underground_archivist



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-12
Updated: 2011-05-12
Packaged: 2020-07-30 11:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20096563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underground_archivist/pseuds/underground_archivist
Summary: There's more than one way to skin a cat...er..goblin king





	100 Ways To Annoy The Goblin King

**Author's Note:**

> Note from banshee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Underground](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Underground_\(Labyrinth_archive\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Underground’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/underground/profile).

  
Author's notes:

I own nothing except the limitless boundries of my own imagination and creativity.

Tabby, once again I dedicate something to you!

* * *

1\. Mention cake.

2\. Throw aforementioned cake at him. (Don't just stand there, RUN!)

3\. Ask him why he's so fond of make-up.

4\. Ask him if Air Freshener works on the Bog.

5\. Tell him that his bathroom must be part of the Bog.

6\. Make a giant, heart-shaped card, write a poem in it about how much you adore him, sign it with the name of one of his male goblins.

7\. When he confronts you about it, act surprised and say 'so that's why you like make-up so much!'

8\. Play dress-up with his goblins.

9\. Play dress-up with him while he's asleep.

10\. Draw a mustache on his face.

11\. Tell him that the Spiders from Mars are coming and he must change into his alter ego Ziggy Stardust and save you from a horrible demise.

12\. Laugh when he checks for Spiders from Mars.

13\. Call him Mr.Duke, but don't tell him why.

14\. Ask him if he would like to go to Suffragette City with you.

15\. Take him someplace random, then take him back to the castle.

16\. When he fails to thank you, make him.

17\. Stand in front of the door until he says 'wham bam, thank you ma'am!'.

18\. Steal his boots and gloves.

19\. Deny everything.

20\. List all the reasons why he would make a lovely bug.

21\. Play Hide-The-Royal-Septer.

22\. 'Forget' where you hid it.

23\. Replace it, but put it in then toilet.

24.Force him to sing Dance Magic, then whine that he isn't doing it right.

25\. Steal his tightest pair of pants, when he demands them back, tell him now and that they look better on you, anyway.

26\. Sing the Barney Song, the Dora Song, etc until he shouts at you.

27\. Laugh when he starts to hum the tunes.

28\. Pop an enormous amount of popcorn and put it in his throne room for the chickens to peck up.

29\. Ask him if he stuffs his pants.

30\. Spread a rumor that he stuffs his pants.

31\. Make him prove you wrong, but smirk and say you've seen bigger.

32\. On a squirrel.

33\. Tell him he sleepwalks and complain that everytime he does, he catches you in the shower.

34\. When he denies it, plant fake evidence.

35\. Tell him he should replace the worm because he would make a prettier one.

36\. Lurk in his bathroom, sans clothing, and when he opens the door, scream and demand that he get out of 'your' bathroom.

37\. Tell him you're afraid to go into your room because the Giant Mothwing is waiting to eat you.

38\. Make him check under your bed, in your closet, and in your bathroom.

39\. Scream when he pulls out a dust bunny.

40\. Run up to him while he is trying to intimidate his goblins and hand him a pair of blue bunny slippers.

41\. Apologize and explain that they didn't have any in pink. Be prepared to duck when he throws them at you.

42\. Force him to listen to disco music. He'll be humming Disco Inferno for a week!

43\. Hug him in the middle of an important military speech.

44\. Call him your favowit widdle kingy-wingy-cutsey-poo.

45\. Buy him a hairbrush.

46\. Tell him you're there for him if he ever needs a shoulder to cry on.

47\. Tell him that Kermit invited him to tea next Tuesday.

48\. Pout when he doesn't go because he miffed your favorite muppet.

49\. Ask if he'd rather have Kermit over.

50\. Advise not to serve frogs' legs or pork.

51\. Steal a kiss, tell him has bad breath, Giggle and run away.

52\. Set him up on a date with Ludo.

53\. Tell Sir Didymus that Jareth ordered him to guard his sock drawer.

54\. Invite the Fireys for a party.

57\. Convince them Jareth wants them to teach him how to take off his head.

58\. When he's finally learned to lock his door, try to follow him in. Cry when he won't let you in.

59\. When he lets you in, sing 'Good Times' until he throws you out.

60\. Tell him he needs to lose a few pounds, because the next time he goes to perch on a branch .....craaaaaaack!

61\. Ask him if he's ever eaten a mouse as an owl.

62\. Even if he says no, fend off 'Mouse Breath' with a toothbrush.

63\. Ask ridiculous questions.

64\. Pretend to be a damsel in distress and make him be your knight in shining feathers.

65\. Ask him if the mighties king in all the universe would like you to spit shine his boots.

66\. Even if he says no, do it anyway.

67\. Read all of the fanfiction ever written about him to him.

68\. Ask him if he wants you to get the numbers of all the Mary Sues.

69\. Even if he refuses, be responsible for the swarm of fangirls the next time he visits the Aboveground.

70\. Tell him that wishing upon a star is more reliable.

71\. The next time he comes into the room you're in, scream and run around in circles until he walks out.

72\. Return his gloves, but as planters for the ivy you've been growing for him.

73\. Copy his dance moves.

74\. Tickle attack!

75\. Make him Facebook with pictures of him at his worst.

76\. Stare at him until you need to blink, blink, men resume staring.

77\. Cool it with the pranks for a week and watch him sweat in anticipation of your next trick.

78\. Steal his underware and cover them in little red hearts, espcially around the crotch.

79\. Buy flowers, shove them at him, then snatch them back and coo 'You shouldn't have!'

80\. Give him daisies which you know he's allergic to and refuse to leave the room until they are safely on the window sill beside his bed.

81\. Ask him if he is feeling okay when he comes to breakfast with puffy eyes and a runny nose the next day.

82\. Ask him if he wears two different colored contacts to look cool.

83\. Blow a raspberry behind his back and tell everyone in the room that he farted.

84\. Ask him if that's a crystal in his pocket or is he just glad to see you.

85\. Compare him to male models.

86\. Ask him why he has a British accent.

87\. Run through the doors of his room and tell him that Willy Wonka has gone psycho and set the Oompa-Loompas on the goblins.

88\. Laugh because you can still fool him.

89\. Talk to him like he's a baby...in front of his mother!

90\. Give him a medal for being 'The Bestest Goblin King Ever'!

91\. Speak to him only in rhymes.

92\. Convince him you're half-Martian and are doing this to him to prove that your race is more than just disintegrator rays and Marvin the Martian.

93\. Parade through the hall outside his room with a broom as a baton. Make a lot of noise because he's trying to nap.

94\. Force him to watch all of the Powerpuff series on Boomerang. Say he is Bubbles' male counterpart.

95\. Make him watch A Very Potter Musical, watch him pee his pants from laughter.

96\. Tell him to stop and sniff the roses...make sure that he gets the one with the bee.

97\. Ask him if you can feel his crystal balls.

98\. Get a running start, tackle him, and pretend to steal the ball from him. Jump up and down when you reach the other side of the room because you made a 'goal'!

99\. Ask him what he imagines his and Hoggle's children would look like.

100\. When he finally gets fed up with you and threatens to throw you in the Bog, beg and plead with your best puppy dog eyes. When he relents and forgives you, slap him on the back and tell him he won't be regret it. **Do not** snigger at the 'Kick Me' sign you just snuck onto his back.


End file.
